Lilula
Coming soon.
The Best Boring Games
A little bit of an oxymoron but I’m sure many of you will smile and nod in agreement as soon as you catch my meaning. I’m referring to games that you play for hours on end and never accomplish anything and yet you find yourself returning to it over and over and over. Here’s my quick guide to the best boring games out there, starting with the ones on the better end and ending with the absolute worst.
When you end up getting addicted to a game where you shake trees in a ritualistic manner in order to obtain cash to pay your extortionate in-game house mortgage, then you know something has gone horribly wrong. Animal Crossing ranks number three on my list of the best boring games, and simply by popping the name into a search engine and peering at the image results you can immediately tell that this is banality at its best.
Somehow this game still manages to reel me in, luring me into a false sense of security with its cuteness. I’ll soon find myself shaking in a corner, rocking on the spot as I keep setting the time to a day forward so I can get my furniture fix in advance. Or getting up at three o’clock in the morning to have the optimum chance at catching that elusive fish or insect (which never reaps any rewards apart from some measly cash from the slave driver Nook, or donating it for nothing to the museum).
Before you know it you’ve spent hours playing and have achieved almost nothing. There’s hardly a dent in that mortgage and the fish catalogue is still half empty. On top of this there’s the unsettling fact that you can buy pets, yet your neighbours tend to be animals themselves…
For my second candidate I’m just going to lump together every online Flash game that has ever existed. Text Twist, Diner Dash, Bejeweled, Super Collapse! - everything and anything apart from Alien Hominid because you get to eat the skulls of the people you kill. Now you needn’t go out and socialise to play these sort of games in an arcade - you can sit on your fat arse and wear your fuzzy slippers at home on your own. Hurrah!
Despite the fact that these games are simply a terrible waste of time, they somehow manage to warp my brain. I look at the clock thinking I’ll play for the last ten minutes of lunch, then BAM! A computer room technician is tapping my shoulder to tell me that they’re closing up for the night.
I’ve missed an afternoon’s worth of lectures trying to figure out what six letter word EKRAWN spells, and for what? The satisfaction of displaying my high score amongst the virgin warriors of the interwebz, or those unfortunate enough to fall under the spell of these games.
So who is number one? Possibly the worst game ever invented - yet has the addictive qualities of crack - it has to be The Sims. Let’s not get into the spin-off’s which are bad enough never mind the fact that they simply do not instil the same obsessive compulsive behaviours that the original game does.
Case study: The Sims is a recipe for disaster. It’s a game which simulates life yet does not actually involve social interactions (like Second Life), it is slower and buggier than Internet Explorer 6, you can’t have fun unless you use cheats - and not anything remotely like the kick ass cheats you get for Grand Theft Auto which usually entail blowing stuff up - and the process of playing is incredibly draining since it takes so long to get anything done. You could easily spend a day just building a freaking house.
Despite this it’s impossible to get enough of coming up with tedious carpets to match monotonous walls, making slutty Sims simply to make rival Sims fight and finding different ways to kill them - which I’ll admit is morbid but damnit it’s funny. No wonder God does it all the time.
On top of all this there’s the fan base that The Sims attracts. The other day I downloaded a Cliff Richard Sim skin. Nothing else needs to be said.
Comments are offLook! Over There!
Yeah this is going to be a linguistically challenged post because my brain isn’t working after last week. I had three deadlines and a presentation which I’m not sure if it went horrendously or wonderfully. What do you call a situation where you present an opinion and the entire body of students and lecturers listening suddenly start calling you out on it? Epic phail, that is what.
However having handed in most of the work for this term it means I now have loads of spare time. Spare time to do what - who knows. I’m officially addicted to the Sims 2 and have been torturing my Sims by making them go have elaborate affairs on their spouses with the entire neighbourhood. The ‘woohoo’ option - euphemism of the year - has proven to be most entertaining.
Why allowing a game that teaches kids to create broken homes by forcing Sims to ‘woohoo’ with others (and making it a funny endeavour no less) passes by with a meagre 7+ rating, I shall never know. Who gives a shit to be honest.
Leading on from that point in a manner that does not deviate from the topic whatsoever - I went to the opticians last week. I’ve been having trouble seeing out of my left eye and got a little worried so I booked a sight test. Apparently my eyes are so fucking healthy that I’ve made an example of the entire human race, however my short-sightedness is deteriorating fast.
In the next two or three years it’s going to get dismal, so if I’m lucky by the time I’m thirty I’ll still be able to tell the difference between a brick house and a fire engine. Promising stuff for someone who relies on their vision in order to successfully carry out their career. At least I’m not going totally blind - I have something to be thankful for even if I am a little bitter.
Anyway, I’ll finish on a happy note since I’m so good at pessimistic blogging that it’s probably scaring my readers. Here is Madame Mysterioso’s latest blogoscope:
Virgo (August 23-September 22) - Headstrong, bold, footloose and fancy free! You’re so energetic both online and off, but remember to always proof read before you publish that lively blog of yours.
Yikes Madame! Dost thou accusedest thine of foul syntax? A pox on thee!
Secretly I’m just jealous of that uber-fashionable head scarf she sports. I only wish my head was as misshapen as hers so that I could wear a tea towel with such grace.
Comments are offThey Grow Up So Fast…
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I R Programmer?
Fear not, I am not succumbing to the dark side. You won’t find me spending my summer indoors weeping C# - again. This is another one of those mobile phone centric blog entries. Except this time round I’m getting a little bit technical per se. I’ve looked at concepts and designs, and highlighted their importance amongst mobile phone users - now I want to look at the the more technical side of how a phone works and how it could be customisable for the common user.
When I refer to mobile phone users I am talking about the general demographic and not really zoning in on specific audiences. It’s wishy washy timey wimey. Oh yeah, Torchwood is on tonight. You can bet I will be spending my evening screaming my undying love at John Barrowman on the television.
My ability to digress amazes even me - I wish there was a way I could make money from it. Anyway, the other week I purchased an Asus EEE PC. If you’ve never heard of Asus then you’ll be surprised to know that they are a much more prominent company than you might think - I believe they have their hand in the production and/or design of Mac’s. The EEE PC was originally made for children, but it’s a powerful little thing and perfect as a lightweight ultra-mobile device. The price is right too, with it being only just a little more expensive than a top of the range mobile phone (it’s priced at £199 and I payed £230-ish with tax).
One of the aspects that jumped straight out at me was the way the operating system functions. It’s not a conventional task menu, desktop, windows aesthetic. It looks like a mobile phone device, with labelled tabs and icons leading to programs corresponding to said tabs. I was a little worried that I wouldn’t be able to install anything else on the laptop - not that I need anything else apart from what is provided - so I looked into it and apparently you can install programs via the website. This innovation got the cogs turning in my head. What if people could install programs in the same way on their phone?
And so begins the research. After winging this concept at a tutorial I was recommended a couple of things to look at including Symbian and Blackberry phones. Apart from Blackberry I wasn’t too sure what the hell I was being referred to - luckily it didn’t turn out to be disturbing pr0n. I’ll start with Blackberry devices since it’s something I’m going to dismiss quickly in favour of Symbian.
The website doesn’t work in Safari on a Mac - can you say ironic? - but after managing to get a PC and Firefox booted up I found that Blackberry have customisable features for their phones, namely tedious applications for serious entrepreneurs and the option of installing different operating systems (which begs the question - pourquoi?). Apart from the fact that this is highly personal and thus appeals to my interests, it’s a pretty anal concept and probably only for very geeky business folk who like to read PDF’s on their phone. I didn’t expect much else as Blackberry is notorious for being the business phone.
Moving on, Symbian operates on pretty much the same thing concept. Symbian is an operating system for mobile phones. It is open source meaning that anyone can dive in and modify the coding to their needs. Think of it as being a little like Facebook and their applications. With Symbian, anyone can design an application or modify the OS for other users to manipulate. I love the fact that it is open source and the variety of languages it can process is astounding; a few being C++, C#, Java, .Net, Perl and Ruby. Not to mention that it can render HTML, Javascript, PHP and other common web languages. Blimey.
This is the direction I want to head in with this project, however I still find it too techy for the average user. Most people won’t even know that their phone runs on Symbian even though it’s a very common operating system. If you have a Nokia, Sony Ericsson, LG, Motorola or Samsung chances are it runs on Symbian.
As aforementioned I still think this is a little complex for the average user. I doubt many of you will go away after reading this entry to create an application for your phone. I personally wouldn’t even know where to start. Granted that I am not exactly a programmer, but I have experience. Would I have to write the code and send it in? Is it something I have to tamper with on my own phone? How would I even alter the OS on my phone to install a custom application? This is where my concept comes in - a community based network dedicated to the personalisation and advancement of mobile devices. Completely free of charge of course.
A little like the Asus EEE PC, my idea is to create a mock-up for an extremely simple operating system, extracting similar visuals from the Asus EEE PC, IPhone and Viewty. If it were implemented fully it would contain basic software needed to carry out the normal functions on a phone i.e. messaging, phone book etc. The user would be able to install and uninstall software on a whim by connecting their phone to a computer or by surfing the internet using 3G or wifi. Some software would be classed as core software and the user would be unable to uninstall it, but apart from that they would be able to specify exactly what they want on their phone.
The main source for the application download would be a website. This website would be a communal area, similar to a basic forum. Users would be able to sign up for free and either download applications for their phone or create applications. The OS would be able to process many languages, so those who would want to write their own application could do so. On the website there could also be a simple ‘application maker’ whereby users could use a simple language for creating simple applications in the form of a drag and drop or through a clickable process. This would appeal to even novice users who don’t have the foggiest about programming.
So how would this operating system make money? It’s something that is very appealing to all sorts of people and would make any device appear to be modern and edgy. Mobile phone companies would benefit from this sort of operating system, so the OS itself could be sold to companies to be used on their mobile phones. Simple, unobtrusive advertising on the website could also provide income, especially if the operating system is a hit and generates a lot of traffic.
As for people who design applications, some may be more complex than others. For example, someone might use the creator to make an application that displays the latest lolcat as their wallpaper by using a simple syndication. However a more experienced programmer or company might create and application that can manage a users banking and calculate expenses from interacting with receipts, bank statements and so forth. Complex programs could be given priority over less complex ones, giving free advertising to the developers. Should they want payment, it could be provided via any generated income from the above. The point is that I’d want everything to remain free for the public. It’d give this OS a leg up over it’s competitors.
If my idea existed, would you want it on your phone? What sort of applications would you install? Would you create an application of your own through a friendly interface? We’re talking theoretically here, I don’t think I’d have the funds to go ahead and make this project a reality I’ll post the mock-up in a blog entry if anyone is interested in seeing it!
Web’s Dumbest Trend
Before I start I have to quote Madame Mysterioso’s weekly blogoscope for Virgo: “Your hatred towards your own website is unhealthy. If you’re so unhappy with it, why not take a break?” I laughed out loud for a long time, mainly because it’s true. However I am compulsive and needy and as such will not involve myself in any break taking whatsoever. I am sticking around so that all of you may relish in my misery guts. On to the blog subject!
There is the one thing that really irks me about websites above everything else. Most things about the internet and the people on it annoy me to varying degrees. Bad spelling, attention whores, poor standards in blogging, Rachael and her atrociously overpowering sex appeal, site title oxymoron’s, rude behaviour, lack of social skills and George Clooney. I don’t know if George Clooney has a blog, but I’m willing to bet that he would love nothing more than to inflate his hideous ego with one.
I’ll dive straight in. Sometimes there is a quick summary in a blog’s sidebar of the authors interests provided in a list usually preceded by ‘Loves:’ or something similar. Fair enough, some people might read blogs based on common interest. So why is it that sometimes this is then followed by pet hates?
Usually these hates are along the lines of liars, cheaters and thieves. Pray tell, why are these painfully obvious universal dislikes listed? Are they there as a deterrent? Are liars, cheaters and thieves meant to look on in dismay as they realise that they are not welcome? Or maybe they are listed to rest unspoken concerns that the author may have a secret unhealthy obsession with liars, cheaters and thieves.
I personally think that liars, cheaters and thieves need a break from all this hatin’z. Lest we forget that lying, cheating and thieving are the three main recurring traits of Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack Sparrow, most of Daniel Craig’s characters, Sinbad the sailor and pretty much any other sexy male character in cinema or literature.
If I had to make a hate list it’d probably be this addition to the list I made above: The ending of the Golden Compass film adaptation of Northern Lights, wet socks, my crazy cat woman hair, the fact that I’ve finished playing Twilight Princess, George Clooney, use of the word ‘cookie’ as slang in reference to female genitalia and children.
And thanks to that indiscretion I now hate myself for making a hate list. I don’t want to feel like the only one delving in hypocrisy here so feel free to comment with your own hate lists should you feel disgusted enough to.
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